sometimes I just want to congratulate myself; like okay I am not the best at anything but I am coping with a lot and doing a lot and dealing with things and just that in itself is very much an achievement so well done to me you are doing okay
I want to love you like I am sorry I have not found you in elementary school and loved you daily since. I want it to hurt and destroy and hurricane all over your life because what is love but just another form of destruction?
I want every touch of my lips to bruise you and bloom all over your body until all you are is spring in this winter. I want my every word to go through to you and land with a thud somewhere in the bottom of your heart and pump all over your body and you will walk around a mess of words racing inside veins. You will know how beautiful it hurts. I want to turn you into poetry, the kind that makes people ache and they will keep you alive in their heads for eternity. I want my feelings to consume you and you to consume them along with your favorite breakfast cereal.
But the thing is, I cannot.
I cannot because when I look at you, I want you to have peace and summer days. When I kiss you, I cannot seem to kiss hard enough to make it bruise. I do not want my words to hurt you and my feelings are not your morning pancakes.
I cannot because when I look at you, there is a stillness of the sea.
I cannot because your words sound a little too perfect as if you have rehearsed them so many times. A little too sharp, as if they have gone through the gears of other girls’ minds and kept them awake at night (and I am sure they did).
And your hand does not fit quite right with mine.
And when you touch me, I do not feel anything except the calluses from when you touched a plethora of bodies in the same spots.
And the feel of your lips does not linger on my skin.
And I don’t see anything in your eyes because they refuse to tell me anything except, “Hey.”
And maybe this is just me, but aren’t hearts supposed to go wild in their cages when someone’s mouth is on yours?
you don’t understand how much i want to kiss you
or watch movies with you
or fall asleep with you
or drink coffee with you
or cuddle with you
or hold your hand
or go to amusement parks with you
or watch concerts with you
or bake with you
i want to do everything with you